Keeping the Faith

This Sunday, I will be teaching my last Sunday school class here in Tennessee.  The students are mostly in 7th and 8th grades, meaning that they really do not want to be there.  In spite of this the experience has been fun.  We talk mainly about what being Jewish actually means, and what it will mean over the next decade or so of their lives.

Despite general disinterest, I am hopeful they will pay attention this Sunday.  The subject: marriage.  Yes, they are a little young for this right now, but sooner than they, or their parents, can imagine, they will be heading off to college and begin making some difficult choices in their lives.

To give some primary background on the congregation, it is a very progressive, reform temple.  I say this because they are very liberal many ideas, including intermarriage.  Many of their members are not Jewish, and have joined through a Jewish spouse.  In fact, this congregation was started because the other reform temple in town would not perform intermarriages; that being the marriage of a Jew to a non-Jew.  This does not mean that they cannot do such a thing, but just that it cannot take place in a temple under a Chuppah and will not be preformed by a Rabbi.

In traditional Jewish custom, a Jewish person cannot marry someone who is not Jewish.  This law existed and still exists for many reasons: to ensure that Jewish people raise Jewish children, to keep people within the Jewish community, and because Jewish law requires the couple to sign a Ketubah, a marriage contract, under which they both pledge themselves under Jewish law to observe the Jewish customs and live and respect each other according to Jewish law.  A person who is not of Jewish faith could not wholeheartedly do this.

However, being at this synagogue for a while now, I am conflicted.  When I arrived, I was rather adamant about the idea that intermarriage was fine, somewhat of a libertarian point of view.  I was not comfortable with the idea for myself, but I figured that the two arguments for intermarriage made sense:

•  They are going to get married, so why should they not be able to do so in a temple?
•  If they get married by a Rabbi, they will be more likely to raise their children Jewish.

Obviously this works, right?  This temple's school is filled with children of intermarriages, raising their children as Jews.  The temple even requires that the parents pledge to raise their children in one religious faith - in this case Judaism, as the national movement's platform requires.

Yet, a strange thing happened: when it neared Christmas, I heard something I never heard before in a temple.  Little, supposedly Jewish children were anxious with excitement for Santa Claus to arrive and to receive Christmas presents.  Yet another professed that since there was no Sunday school for a few weeks, he would be going to church with mom.    My fiancée, who was raised Christian but has now converted to Judaism and teaches 4 and 5 year olds, commented that when she asked the class what they were thankful for, many responded with  "Santa Claus" or "The Easter Bunny", not quite the answers of one with a Jewish religious identity.  

This all makes me wonder if any of these students will grow up and send their children to temple.  They certainly will not feel any incentive to marry within the faith, and that will likely lead to the same situations.  Jewish children who celebrate Christmas and go to church on Easter - very few students showed up for Sunday school that day.  This can't be a sustainable method for the growth and development of the Jewish people, but neither is ostracizing those who find love outside of the religion.  However, I do feel that the choice of whether to marry someone is made long before they are met, in lessons that we learn as young children.  Those whose parents teach them the importance of being a Jew or a Christian or a Cubs fan or a Packers fan, etc. are probably less likely to go out and find someone who they are not compatible with on these levels.  

Here is the issue and why it draws so much anger and criticism from both sides.  This is what I am planning to discuss with my class:

(Continues below)

This chart predicts the end of the liberal sects of Judaism, which have near a 50% interfaith marriage rate.  That is huge.  Today, the liberal sects are the most populous, but soon the orthodox will overcome these in population, having a huge effect on the dynamics of the world culture.  The question then is, when should love triumph over religion, and when should religion over triumph love?  It seems like a freedom and security catch-22.  

Best of luck.