Until you have walked in my shoes...
We like to say this, especially as young adults. "You just don't have a clue as to what I'm dealing with!" or "You can't understand". But secretly, we hope that the other will. We strive to be understood. From business to academia to philanthropy, psychology prevails, helping us to understand how we can better relate to our fellow man.
Yet this relationship will never fully occur. You will never be me and I will never be you, and despite gallant efforts, I will never know exactly how you feel. I can try, but even with significant experience, my reactions and feelings will always be based on previous experiences that you did not have. Yet we do still feel compelled to help others who are in situations we assume or know to be not good. Why? Egotism.
If there's one thing I appreciate about Judaism in comparison to Christianity, it is that Judaism teaches that one should embrace their ego-centrism, rather than suppress it. Judaism does not preach sainthood or martyrdom as life-goals. Rather, it teaches that one should embrace those desires to help themselves and help others. It believes that we have a natural tendency and desire to do both. We relate our own fortunes and experiences onto the world through subjective comparison, and thereby we feel a need to be useful.
However, Judaism also says that this begins with the self. Yes, we are all God's creatures, but by ignoring our own vessels for existence, we have no means of helping others. Foundationally, Judaism advocates for this perspective by requiring medical concerns to placed above all others. Those who need to take medication are not allowed to fast on fast days, and those who would risk their heath to partake in any activity are banned from that activity as well.
From this, Judaism has advocated for pluralistic education and individual wealth, understand first that a wealthier society will have less poverty and better social services, but also that a wealthier person will have a greater ability to assist the less fortunate. In addition, a person living in modest luxury is likely to live in cleaner conditions, eat healthier, and thereby living longer, extending the time during which they can be a beacon onto the world.
To simplify this to modern standards, it is not a bad thing to take time for yourself. It's right to expect a certain level of respect and appreciation from others, and its also right that we treat others in the same way. Why? Because it's also egotistic. Through mutual respect and appreciation, we will strengthen our relationships with others, better our own lives, and give ourselves the drive to want to help others.
Shabbat Shalom
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